Being Set Up

BEING SET UP

You may have been in a relationship for many years, but, as often happens, your partner may be looking for a chance to set you up. Regardless of the motivation – anger, revenge, or just a desire to get an advantage in the divorce, it happens all the time.

A mild mannered mom who has spend many years staying at home caring for the kids, and a husband who has been increasingly verbally abusive. They are in the kitchen, and he is belittling her, ridiculing her, and running her down for the hundredth time. She’s humiliated and a little angry. He turns his back on her, and bends over to pick up something on the floor. She kicks him in the hind end. (Not that he didn’t deserve a good swift kick in the butt). He immediately calls 911, and the wife is charged with assault-domestic violence. The husband files for a divorce, and asks the court to place the children with him. After all, his wife is violent, and, according to the husband, a drunk. The court agrees that it is safer to leave the kids with the husband, and the wife is out of the house with no kids, no money, and no job.

In another example, a husband comes home from work and wife is screaming at him. Most nights the anger is directed at some little thing that he has done or failed to do, but regardless, he is showered with abuse. Finally, one night he goes to bed, but is woken a little later by the wife standing at the foot of the bed screaming at him. He has had enough, and yells back. He is so angry, that he punches a hole in the bedroom wall. The wife calls 911, and the husband is arrested for malicious mischief-domestic violence. The wife files for divorce, and the husband is not allowed unsupervised contact with the kids, forced to go through a year’s worth the anger management counseling, and in the end has little to no contact with his children.

I’ve seen dozens of these stories unfold in my practice. I can’t prove that the "assault" was contrived, but I know that in at least some cases they were nothing more than a set up. Why spend the money and time fighting over the kids in a divorce, especially if you are likely to lose, when a little premeditated hi jinks can get the job done?

If your relationship is getting kind of rocky, it is time to get some advice from someone that deals with this kind of thing every day. You can usually get a free consultation, and the information you receive can go a long way toward helping you protect yourself. Know what to look out for, and know how to protect yourself. Getting some good advice can only help, and if all works out well in your relationship all you have done is invest a small amount of time in getting good advice.