Children and Divorce:
Much is written about the impact of divorce or legal separation on children. As an attorney, I see this serious problem from a unique prospective. I am not a parenting counselor or psychologist, but I do think I can offer my thought with a certain amount of authority.
Much more often than anyone would believe, the children in a marital dispute are directly involved by the parents or other family. Maybe we all know that this is not a good idea, but the long term harm to the children, even older children, can be devastating. I see serious behavior issues, a marked deterioration in grades, and an increase in conflict with parents when they are involved in the details of the divorce or separation.
In those cases where the children are kept out of the fight to the extent possible, the children tend to make a much better transition to the new living arrangements. In those cases where the children are offered professional counseling, especially if it starts at the very beginning of the conflict, they are usually the best adjusted and emotionally stable of all the families I see. Having a professional to talk to, one who has no other agenda that the best interests of the child, is a great benefit to the mental health of the child.
Even when the parents are trying hard to make life as stable as possible for their children, I believe that having a “safe” third party to talk to can make a huge difference in the child’s ability to adapt to such significant changes. Kids are not dumb, they know there is a conflict, even if it is well hidden, and often may perceive communication with one parent as a betrayal of the other parent.
Counseling and parenting classes for the parents can be a great help in working with your children during these stressful times. Professional guidance can keep you on the right path, and, in the end, have a lasting impact on your children.
