Planning Parenting When You're Not Married

Planning Parenting When You’re Not Married

               It happens all the time.  It could be a long term relationship or it could be a very brief relationship, but what happens when a child is born?  Many people try to “deal” with the situation through self-help.  I’ve seen many cases, and addressing issues through promises and informal agreements seldom work for long.

               The law provides for back child support to be assessed for up to 5 years.  This can place a parent in a situation where all the groceries, rent, bills paid, clothes, toys, etc. are characterized by the court at a later date as gifts and not child support.  I have seen parents saddled with over $30,000 in back child support, and required to pay future support.  I have seen parents “work out” a parenting arrangement that seems to suit their needs when the child is young, but falls apart as the child gets older.  A common issue that I see is one parent simply refusing to allow visits by the other parent.  This can be anger over that parent having a new person in their lives, the desire to coerce a parent into obeying his or her rules and demands, or for no real reason at all.

               The appropriate and safe thing to do is to get court orders that protect all parties right away.  This will give both parents legally enforceable rights, and make clear each parent’s responsibilities.  This process does not have to be a battle, it can be a cooperative and constructive process that can really help the parents build the kind of trust necessary to co-parent.  The orders that come out of this process can be drafted to reflect the evolving needs of the child, and help reduce conflict later in the child’s life.  It is the responsible thing to do, and it is the right thing to do for the child.

               Especially in cases where the parents have grown apart or never really had a close relationship, the appropriate court orders can set a framework for future parenting decision making.  In so many cases, the parents eventually move on to build new relationships and new families.  When parenting issues are first addressed at that time, the demands of these new relationship can get in the way of coming up with a plan that is focused primarily on the best interests of the child.

               If you are expecting a child or if you have a child where the support and/or visitation is unresolved, a consultation with a family law attorney can really help you understand the complexities of crafting a workable solution.  Rarely will the problem just “go away”.  It is up to you as the parent to ensure that right things are done to protect your child

Changing the Amount of Time You Spend With Your Children

Changing the Amount of Time You Spend With Your Children

               This is commonly the time of year where many parents reconsider where their children live the majority of the time, or reconsider how much time the children live with each parent.  This may be because one parent has the children with them more of the time during the summer, or because the school year is just around the corner, but regardless of the reason, this is a hot topic right about now.

               If the parents are in agreement on any changes to their Parenting Plan, making these changes can be pretty simple.  It is important to formally make these changes in a new Parenting Plan.  Just informally adopting changes can lead to conflict later, and entering a new Parenting Plan will ensure that both parents’ rights are protected.  I have seen informal changes to visitation schedules go very wrong over time.  When these agreements break down, the court can be left with no real idea of who is telling the truth about the informal agreement.

               If one parent is looking to modify the Parenting Plan, legal guidance is essential.  The law in Washington is very detailed about when a change is possible and under what circumstances these changes are appropriate.  In many cases, some prior planning can significantly improve your chances of successfully modifying the Parenting Plan.  If an emergency exists and the safety of a child is at stake, there are things that can be done to get immediate relief from the court. 

Regardless of your situation, meeting with an experienced family law attorney will help you better understand your options.  Putting off addressing your concerns will not generally improve your position, and can make obtaining the relief you want more difficult. 

Planning Your Separation or Divorce

Planning Your Separation/Divorce

               It may sound callous, but if you are considering a divorce or separation you need to be thinking about what you need to do when it happens.  In many cases, you have no advance notice, but when you are taking the initiative or you know it’s coming, there are some things that can make the process much easier to survive.

               Money:  A divorce or separation costs money, and you cannot count on getting it from your accounts or spouse once the process begins.  My experience is that all the accounts and lines of credit disappear when the other spouse suspects a divorce or separation is on the way.  It just makes sense to put what money you can in a separate account if it is available.  You should keep good records of where the money came from and what you used it for, but it’s far better to provide an accounting later than not have the money when you need it.  If you need to use charge cards, do the same thing.  Use the cards when the credit is available.  It is common to see charge cards put on hold or cancelled during the first stages of a divorce or separation.  Having enough money to pay your bills, support your family, and pay your attorney will make the whole process much less stressful. 

               It is possible to ask the court to order your spouse to pay child support, temporary spousal maintenance, and pay your debts.  Unfortunately, there is often not enough income to cover all your basic needs.  Further, courts in the early stages of this kind of litigation rarely award attorney fees, or if the court does make an award it is rarely enough to cover your actual fees and costs.  Even when everything goes great, it can take a month or more to get the money flowing.  You need to plan for your own support for at least a couple of months.

               Documents:  It can make the whole process go much quicker and cheaper if you can obtain copies of important documents before the split.  Your last several years tax returns and W-2’s, bank statements for all accounts, 401K and other investment reports, business records, etc. can all be useful.  Getting copies now can save the cost of obtaining them during the litigation, and will give your attorney the information he or she needs to do the work necessary to represent you in a timely and appropriate manner. 

               If you are gathering information, try to keep it somewhere that you can retrieve it after the split.  Maybe a friend or family member can hold the documents for you.

               Next time, we will talk about parenting issues and what you can do to protect your position.

Recent Change to DUI Law

Recent Change to DUI Law

Starting this Thursday at midnight, if you are arrested for a DUI, your vehicle will be impounded with a mandatory 12 hour hold.  Generally, defendants who are arrested for a DUI are released from custody rather than taken to jail.  If this happens to you, you will not be able to reclaim your vehicle right away.

Up until now the vehicle was released to another person to avoid towing and impoundment charges.  This will not happen now.  Even if the vehicle is owned by someone else, it will be towed.

Under the new law, the impounded car will be held for 12 hours. There are three exceptions in the law: If the car is owned by someone other than the person arrested, such as a business owner, the owner can reclaim the car at the impound lot; a registered co-owner can claim the car; and commercial and farm vehicles can be reclaimed by the legal owner as long as it is not the person arrested.

The thinking behind this new law is that a person under the influence could leave the police station and return to their vehicle.  This might put an unsafe person back on the road.  This happened in Whatcom County back in 2007, and a person was seriously hurt in an accident.  That person sued the county and the State Patrol, and subsequently won $5.5 million in a lawsuit.  The jury found the state patrol negligent because the woman took a cab back to her car after being arrested for drunken driving.  She was involved in the injury accident after she was returned to her car.

The result of this new law will, in theory, make the road safer from drunk drivers.  In all those cases where the driver was innocent of the charge, they will incur the cost of towing and impoundment regardless of their condition.  Further, they will be unable to retrieve their vehicle until the 12 hour hold is up.

A Timely Reminder

A Timely Reminder

                I’m sure that I sound like a broken record, but there are a couple of things we all need to keep in mind when dealing with the police.  As often as I’ve talked about this in the past, I still see several people every week that did not get the message.

                If you are detained by the police, you should always be courteous in your behavior.  Officers of the law are like everyone else, they respond better to people that are respectful and pleasant.  I have seen clients that spend a day or two in jail just because they were rude and obnoxious when confronted by the police.  It costs nothing to be nice, and you will always be better off for having made the effort.

                This may sound like a contradiction, but you need only be as cooperative as the law requires.  You have constitutionally protected rights, and you should use them.  You do nothing wrong when you ask to speak to an attorney before you make any statements to the officer.  (It is appropriate to provide you name, address, identification, vehicle registration, and proof of insurance).  If asked questions about your condition, what you have been doing, how much you have had to drink, etc. you may politely ask to speak to an attorney before you answer.  Do not take any “tests” or volunteer any information before you speak to an attorney.

                It may seem that the officer is just “making conversation” with you, but, believe me, everything you say and do will be used against you if you are charged with a crime.  Much of what you may be asked to do is directly calculated to gather evidence against you.  I have seen my share of police reports, and too often the officer used your statements and performance in these tests to establish his or her probable cause for your arrest.  Further, it is often the case that this information is used at trial to establish your guilt.  You need not incriminate yourself, and you should be careful that you aren’t “tricked” into helping make the case against you.

                I have heard many people charged with a crime tell the same story.  “The officer said that if I cooperated, I would able to go home and that everything would be alright.”  Then, when the subpoena came in the mail, and they see the police report, they find that all the “cooperation” has been used against them.

                Most of us were taught to respect police officers, and to tell the truth.  I’m not suggesting any disrespect, only that you not do yourself harm when you have the legal right to remain silent.  I’m not suggesting that you lie, only that you wait until you have spoken with legal counsel before you discuss the situation with the officer.  Knowing your rights is a great way to keep from being your own worst enemy. 

Child Support ~ When Does it Need to be Changed?

Child Support – When Does it Need to be Changed?

               Washington law allows for the modification of child support every two year, and, given special circumstances, more often.  The reality for most people is one or two modifications over a period of many years.  I often hear parents say that it just seemed like too much hassle to go through the modification process - especially if the first time was traumatic.  It’s not uncommon to see child support orders that are 10 or more years old.

               The first thing that you need to know is that, in most cases, if you wait you are not able to go back in time when the order is adjusted.  I recently met with a parent that had been underpaid on support for 8 years to the tune of over $500 a month.  The child missed out on $48,000 in support that could not be recaptured.  This kind of delay can cut both directions.  I have seen many cases where the parent paying support lost his or her job or had a dramatic reduction in pay, but kept on paying the higher support amount.  The result is often serious damage to that parent’s standard of living, and a downward spiral of debt.  Again, when the case is finally taken in for modification, the court will almost never make the modification retroactive.

               It just makes sense to include in your Order of Child Support language that provides for the exchange of financial information every year or two.  After parents have been separated for a while, it can be very difficult to estimate the other parent’s income.  By exchanging financial information, it makes it much easier to make a decision on whether to seek a modification.  If your Order does not include this language, parents are often willing to voluntarily exchange this information.  Voluntary cooperation can often avoid legal action and the cost of hiring an attorney.

               If you haven’t looked at your child support order in some time, it might be a good idea to have the Order reviewed.  The amount of support paid should be fair to all parties, and a periodic review can ensure that the amount of support is consistent with Washington State law.

What Can You Do About Visitation?

What Can You Do About Visitation?

            In many cases I see, a Parenting Plan has been entered, sometimes many years ago, and it just isn’t working anymore.  Kids get older, and the conflict between a child’s growing independence and the need to spend time with a parent can become a real source of disagreement.  One or both parents’ jobs may have evolved, and the timing for the visits in the Parenting Plan may become unworkable.  People move, and even relatively small increases in distance can effect the viability of scheduled visits.

            Washington law provides for modification of Parenting Plans, but the process can be difficult if both parents aren’t on board for the proposed changes.  It is often easier to just let the old Parenting Plan stay in place, but the result can be less and less time with the child and the possibility of a loss of a close relationship with the child.  It is important to have a useful and adaptive Parenting Plan that address the importance of maintaining the parent child relationship, and trying to the relationship work with an out of date Order is difficult at best. 

            If the original Parenting Plan was adopted when the child was young, there may not have been provisions for bigger blocks of time with the child.  As kids get older, it might be appropriate to divide the Summer vacation between the parents.  While this might not have worked at age 2, at age 8 it could be a real option.  Spending bigger blocks of time with the child can help reinforce and build a stronger bond between the parent and child.

            Whether you are just looking to “tweak” the current Parenting Plan, or you need a more comprehensive modification, it is far better to take action now than delay.  As a general rule of thumb, the longer you allow the visitation to remain inadequate or unworkable, the more difficult it can be to make a change.

            If you are able to discuss your issues with the other parent, and many parents can, an agreed modification can be done quite easily.  Mediation can often be used to resolve differences without resorting to open warfare.  If needed, the courts will be willing to resolve differences.  Regardless of the appropriate approach, your time with your child is fleeting, and each year that goes by without a workable Parenting Plan can never be replaced.