Parents with no relationship with the other parent

Parents with no relationship with the other parent:

Frequently I work with a parent who has no real relationship with the other parent. The extent of their relationship with the other parent might be very brief prior to the birth of the child. Parenting is hard enough when you know the other parent well, and have a long relationship history. What do you do when you hardly know the other parent?

Frequently, I see parents that may have hard feelings toward the other parent in these circumstances. “You weren’t there to give me emotional support during the pregnancy.” “You have shut me out of my child’s life.” “I have no interest in you playing a part in my child’s life.”

There are several things that can help. Get some professional counseling to help you address your feelings about the child, lack of relationship, and how to manage your future relationship with the child. If you can talk to the other parent, co-parenting counseling is widely available. It helps both of you understand how to work together to raise a child (even when there is no personal relationship between the two parents). If the parents can recognize that it is the child’s best interests that come first, and that the involvement of both parents is a positive for the child, learning to co-parent can be a rewarding experience.

Too often, the father of the child will have little or no contact with the mother or child in the early days. (I often see cases where the father didn’t even know he was having a child until after the birth!) Washington law allows either parent to seek an appropriate Parenting Plan and Order of Child Support. If either parent is proactive, the parents can both have a meaningful relationship with their child from the beginning.

Putting off getting a Parenting Plan can adversely impact your future time with the child. Our courts are frequently concerned when one parent has little contact with the child (for any reason) and then wants to be involved in a significant way. The thinking is that a bond needs to be established with the parent and child early on, and, if it is lacking, it can take years to work up to normalized contact.

As soon as you are aware of the pregnancy – get involved. Take age appropriate parenting classes, attend medical appointments, and be there at the birth. Showing your attention to the mother and child can go a long ways toward keeping you involved in the child’s life. If you are the mother, involving the father can go a long ways toward avoiding conflict later.

Domestic Violence is Everyone’s Problem

Domestic Violence is Everyone’s Problem


October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The epidemic of domestic violence has become much more public in recent years, but the problem persists. Most advocates for victim’s rights believe that education, awareness, and prompt action can go a long way toward meeting this issue head on.
Domestic violence tends to perpetuate it self from one generation to the next. Child who witness domestic violence are much more likely to be abusers or be abused when they are older. Stopping this vicious cycle is all our responsibility!

Women, men, and children are victims everyday and in every community. What can you do? If you or someone you know is being abused, call the Washington State Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-562-6025 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224. Reporting the problem can go a long way toward getting these victims the help they need.

There are a number of private legal actions available to DV victims. You can report the problem to the police, they will be very proactive in addressing the problem. For children, CPS can investigate allegations and help get the appropriate protection. Adult Protective Services can investigate allegations for older folks. You can ask the court to enter a civil protection order – if violated, it is a criminal offense. A family law attorney can help you get out of a violent situation, and help get legal protection from future violent behavior.

In addition, although not my area of specialty, counseling can really help deal with the abuse in a healthy way. There are any number of qualified counselors who work with DV abuse victims in every area of our state. There are also programs available through church and non-profit organizations that can help at little or no charge.

The real solution is awareness and action. Taking that first step to get help is often the hardest, but is also the most important.

Wait!!!! I have a lawyer....let me call him!

You’ve been accused of a crime!

It happens.  You are accused of a criminal law violation – what do you do?  Unless this a common occurrence, you may be inclined to try to deal with the problem on your own (at least at first).  This is never a good idea, and you may be painting yourself into a corner before you are even aware of the consequences.

Our Constitution grants us all certain rights, one is the right to remain silent.  This is not a joke or out of date right, you do not have to discuss an alleged crime with anyone.  It is often the case that the officer will try to make you think you are doing something wrong if you choose to exercise this right.  It is also often the case that the officer will act like a friend and casually have a “conversation” with you.  Just because the circumstances of the interview or arrest seem innocent, does not mean that everything you say will not be used against you later.

I often hear from people accused of a DUI say that the arresting officer read them their rights, then later started asking questions and requesting that the accused take “voluntary” sobriety tests.  You should cooperate with your name, license, proof of insurance, but if you admit to drinking, taking non-prescribed medication, etc. I can assure you that this information will be used against you.  I am not suggesting you lie, only that you make use of your legal rights.

You also have the right to speak with an attorney if you are arrested.  Many people do not ask to speak with an attorney because it is late at night, they don’t know an attorney, or they just don’t think about it.  The fact is, once you are informed of your constitutional rights, that is all the officer needs to tell you about your right to an attorney.  Before you agree to any tests or make any statements, ask to speak with an attorney.  Every police department I know of has access to an attorney 24/7.  You have the right to a private conversation with this person, and the advice you receive can be critical to your defense.

You are doing nothing wrong when you insist on your rights being observed.  Our founding fathers believed that these rights were important enough to memorialize in our Bill of Rights – use them!

Are You Stuck With a Parenting Plan that is Old and Out of Date?

Are You Stuck With a Parenting Plan that is Old and Out of Date?

Often Parenting Plans are adopted when children are very young. Circumstances do change – parents move, parents get new jobs with different hours, kids get older and their schedules change, etc. Is there anything that can be done to adapt your Parenting Plan to these changes? The short answer is yes, and often the solution is reasonably simple.

Modification of Parenting Plans can range from a complete change in the residence of the child, to adjustments in the existing schedule. For example, making changes to the dispute resolution process, decision making process, transportation arrangements, etc. can all be done with a relatively simple legal action (assuming agreement cannot be reached with the other parent). Changes to the Parenting Plan that do not involve changing where the child resides the majority of the time or more than 24 full days, but less than 90 overnights per year, can be accomplished in our courts without becoming involved in a major legal battle. If you are looking at a significant change in the residence of the child, the law does provide for a modification procedure. This legal process requires certain pre-conditions, but is accessible to many parents in this state.

If you are interested in getting more information about a modification of your Parenting Plan, there are many family law attorneys that can provide free or low cost advice. Just gathering the correct information can go along ways toward helping you “get your ducks in a row”.

Domestic Violence Can Impact Anyone

Domestic Violence Can Impact Anyone

I have represented people on both sides of domestic violence allegations over the years. In many of these cases I have seen families ripped apart over these allegations. I have also seen what I truly believed were fabricated allegations, often made to gain an advantage in a custody dispute or divorce. There is no simple solution, and we all need to be able to work with the system we now have in place. The right professional advice can make all the difference in the world.

If you or your children are victims of domestic violence, there are many resources out there to help. Obtaining both physical protection and appropriate counseling can be the first real steps to regaining a healthy life for you and your children. Frequently, it is necessary to get protection through the courts as part of this process. An experienced family law attorney can help obtain enforceable court orders to protect you and your family.
If you are being wrongly accused of domestic violence, it is very important to get quality legal advice as soon as possible. Frequently, I see people accused of domestic violence try to “work out” their problems with their spouse or significant other. It is very common for these efforts to result in one or more additional criminal charges. Making the problem worse is not going to help you or anyone else. Getting quality advice can go along way toward keeping your legal issues to a minimum.

Regardless of what side of the issue you may be dealing with, professional assistance will help you resolve your problems. The right legal advice and professional counseling can make a world of difference to you and your family.

It's your legal rights

It’s your legal rights – why’s it so wrong to use them?

I have heard criticisms over the years that usually go something like this: Why tell people who have been arrested for drunk driving how to “beat” the system? Aren’t you ashamed to help these people get off? Drunk drivers hurt and kill people all the time, they need to be punished.

Well, to some degree I agree. I’m as concerned about the harm people do to others due to their criminal behavior as anyone else. On the other hand, isn’t it true that a person accused of a crime is innocent until proven guilty? If we take away the rights of people accused of drunk driving, where does it stop? Should people who speed lose their rights because speeders get into more accidents and hurt more people than those who do not speed? Once we start taking away people’s rights, there is no end to the loss of liberty.

We all have certain rights – the right to be silent, the right to speak with an attorney, the right to a jury of our peers, etc. These rights form the foundation of our criminal justice system. We must preserve these rights, and honor everyone’s right to exercise them. Using our protected rights is not “beating the system”, it is making the system live up to its promise to each of us – you are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.
Thanks for letting me rant a little. I know how frustrating it seems when people get off with a slap on the hand. The truth is, the system almost always works. It is

New DUI Enforcement Campaign

A recent news release from my local paper states that the King County Sheriff and many other local law enforcement agencies are dramatically stepping up their efforts to locate impaired drivers between August 12th and September 6th. What this means for those who may be stopped for driving under the influence is likely months and, often, years of expense, embarrassment, and dealing with the effects of a criminal conviction.

Even a modest amount of alcohol in your system can result in criminal charges. While the legal limit is .08, you can be charged with a criminal offense if the arresting officer believes that your driving is “impaired”. The “proof” of this impaired driving is often based on the observations of the officer and the results of your field sobriety test.

Now you are under no legal obligation to take a field sobriety test, but may people believe that they must do so. There may be exceptions, but I have never seen a “passing” result from these tests. You may be told that you are doing well, but when the police report comes back – guess what? You failed!

The best thing to do is be pleasant and cooperative, but refuse to give any information about your alcohol consumption or agree to take a field sobriety test until you have spoken with an attorney. If you are arrested, you must insist on talking to an attorney – it is your constitutional right. After a private conversation with the attorney provided, you will be able to make much better informed decisions.
You have many important legal rights – use them!