Your Parenting Plan and the Holidays

Your Parenting Plan and the Holidays

 

The holiday season is a great time for most of us.  Time with the children, family events, outdoor fun.  For some, this time of the year is complicated by conflicts over when the children will be with which parent.  The holiday season can be stressful, and, if there is no agreement on visitation, can be nearly beyond your ability to cope.

 

The best advance planning involves taking a good hard look at your Parenting Plan.  Plot out the regular visitation, holiday visitation, and winter vacation visitation on your calendar.  If you are able to talk to the other parent, try to get an agreement that your work accurately reflects his or her understanding of the Parenting Plan.  If you both agree, visits and exchanges during this season can be much less stressful.

 

If you and the other parent do not agree, there is still time to get the conflict resolved by attorney and/or court intervention.  It generally takes two weeks to get in front of a court on this kind of conflict, but, in emergency situations, the time line can be accelerated.  What rarely works is to wait to the last minute and then discover that your plans are not in accord with the other parent’s interpretation of the court order.

 

Putting your thoughts in writing, and documenting your delivery of these notes to the other parent can go a long ways toward creating a paper trail that can be most useful if the issue needs to go to court.  If you expect a conflict, or have had prior problems enforcing the Parenting Plan, you need to take early action to ensure you have a happy and appropriate holiday visitation schedule.

Something to ponder.....

Is there any such thing as a “minor” criminal charge?

 

Any attorney who spends time in courts that handle “minor” criminal charges will tell you that the vast majority of defendants are there without legal representation.  Often the attitude of these people is that this is really no big deal, and that they plan on handling the charge on their own.

 

Regardless of the criminal charge, it is important to have legal counsel.  A criminal conviction, whether DUI, assault, theft, reckless driving, etc., can remain on your record for the rest of your life.  This kind of conviction can prevent you from getting into the school you want, getting the job you need, and can cost you a significant increase in insurance premiums.  It is a big deal, and ignoring the issue or treating it as a minor inconvenience can be a mistake that can last a many years.

 

Another aspect of this issue is the likely hood that once a person has one conviction, they are more inclined to suffer future convictions.  I may seem too many that the immediate impact of a criminal conviction is fairly minor, but as they accrue the penalties increase. 

 

Even if you can’t afford to hire an attorney, there are often free criminal defense attorneys available for folks with low incomes.  I’ve heard defendants ridicule the public defender, but they work hard for their clients and often know that particular court far better than any private attorney.

 

A well qualified attorney can often obtain a result that keeps the charge off your record.  The best way to ensure a positive result is to have someone represent you that knows the court and has experience with your criminal charge.  At a minimum, you can usually get a free consultation with an experienced attorney in your area.   The more you know, the better the change of getting a positive outcome.

Being Set Up

BEING SET UP

You may have been in a relationship for many years, but, as often happens, your partner may be looking for a chance to set you up. Regardless of the motivation – anger, revenge, or just a desire to get an advantage in the divorce, it happens all the time.

A mild mannered mom who has spend many years staying at home caring for the kids, and a husband who has been increasingly verbally abusive. They are in the kitchen, and he is belittling her, ridiculing her, and running her down for the hundredth time. She’s humiliated and a little angry. He turns his back on her, and bends over to pick up something on the floor. She kicks him in the hind end. (Not that he didn’t deserve a good swift kick in the butt). He immediately calls 911, and the wife is charged with assault-domestic violence. The husband files for a divorce, and asks the court to place the children with him. After all, his wife is violent, and, according to the husband, a drunk. The court agrees that it is safer to leave the kids with the husband, and the wife is out of the house with no kids, no money, and no job.

In another example, a husband comes home from work and wife is screaming at him. Most nights the anger is directed at some little thing that he has done or failed to do, but regardless, he is showered with abuse. Finally, one night he goes to bed, but is woken a little later by the wife standing at the foot of the bed screaming at him. He has had enough, and yells back. He is so angry, that he punches a hole in the bedroom wall. The wife calls 911, and the husband is arrested for malicious mischief-domestic violence. The wife files for divorce, and the husband is not allowed unsupervised contact with the kids, forced to go through a year’s worth the anger management counseling, and in the end has little to no contact with his children.

I’ve seen dozens of these stories unfold in my practice. I can’t prove that the "assault" was contrived, but I know that in at least some cases they were nothing more than a set up. Why spend the money and time fighting over the kids in a divorce, especially if you are likely to lose, when a little premeditated hi jinks can get the job done?

If your relationship is getting kind of rocky, it is time to get some advice from someone that deals with this kind of thing every day. You can usually get a free consultation, and the information you receive can go a long way toward helping you protect yourself. Know what to look out for, and know how to protect yourself. Getting some good advice can only help, and if all works out well in your relationship all you have done is invest a small amount of time in getting good advice.

Vicious Cycle

Vicious Cycle

            If the time ever comes that the relationship is on the rocks, maybe you can learn from others.  I’ve worked with many people in this position, and in almost every case the end result is determined by whether my client has the ability to just walk away for a while.  It may sound like a small thing, but many just don’t seem to have the strength to do so.

            It can start out really simple.  The wife or girl friend gets a two week protection order.  During the two weeks, you just have to talk to her, text her, e-mail her, have a friend or family member get in touch with her.  If you could only talk, everything would be just fine.  And in fact, you might talk to her and believe that you are on the path to working through your problems.

            Let’s do a reality check.  The two quick calls where you left a message and told her how much you cared, the four text messages where you said the same thing, the long love letter e-mail, and the call you asked your mother to make can and often are separate criminal offenses.  Each offense, in this case eight, is punishable by up to a year in jail and a $5,000 fine. 

            Don’t think it will happen, well it can and it does.  To make matters worse, after a couple of convictions for violations of protection orders, any future violation can be charged as a felony.  What started as an innocent attempt to work out your relationship problems can turn into years in jail or prison.  While you sit in a cell, you lose your home, children, job, and your ability to find decent employment once you get out.

            This is not a rare occurrence.  It happens all the time, and most of the people involved are still saying how they didn’t want to hurt her, they only wanted to make up, right up until they are transported to prison.

            Even if she says, “don’t worry about the protection order – I’ll get it dismissed”. “ I need to see you.”  “The kids need you.”  “I’m so sorry,  I didn’t mean it.”  IT DOESN’T MATTER!  If you are reported in violation of the protection order, you will go to jail.

            Take my advice, regardless of your emotional state, give it a rest.  If there is any hope of making things right, a little time apart won’t make any difference.  Get in to see an attorney right away, and follow that attorney’s advice.  Regardless of how innocent it seems, if you don’t protect yourself very bad things will happen.

Support for College

Support for College

               If you have a child graduating from high school this year, now is the time to be thinking about paying for the child’s education.  If you have been receiving child support, that support is likely to end very soon.  Most Child Support Orders terminate support upon the child reaching age 18 or graduation from high school, whichever occurs last.  Only a very few orders provide for payment toward post-secondary education.  The most common language requires you to petition the court for this support prior to the time child support ends.

               From a practical standpoint, if you wait too long you can lose the right to ask a court to require the other parent to assist with post-secondary expenses.  Even if you petition the court in time, it may very well take so long to get the issue settled that the child has already started school.

               In Washington the courts are willing to decide these issues once the child has applied and been accepted at a school.  Generally, acceptance letters are sent out by this time each year.  In the case of a community college, your child will need to take the initiative because the registration deadlines are later. 

               Once a petition is filed and served, a court will usually hear the case within four months.  Consequently, if you file now you should have a court order in place before any money needs to be paid to the school.

               As a final thought, it is pretty common in my practice to have parents say:  “Well, the other parent promised to help with college, but now they won’t help.”  Promises are fine, but if you want to be assured that your child will get help with school you need a court order.  This protects both parents, and gives you a legally enforceable right to the help your child needs.  If the other parent is making promises,  that’s great, but if they are sincere in their commitment they should have no problem working on an agreed order.  If they aren’t willing to cooperate, you need to take this as a red flag and talk to an attorney.

After the Holidays

After the Holidays

            If you had a less than positive experience this past holiday season with visitation, now is an excellent time to consider getting the problems fixed.  The process can take time, and now is an excellent time to start looking toward spring break, summer break, and the 2012 holidays.  Generally speaking, the process is not that difficult and the courts are very skilled at crafting a parenting plan that will avoid future conflicts and ensure both parents have appropriate time with the children.

            Once a new order is put in place, it will often act to reduce the level of conflict.  Each parent then has legally enforceable rights, and any disagreement can be resolved – usually without having to go back to court.  With the sure knowledge that visitations will happen as scheduled in the parenting plan, stress will be greatly reduced – not only for the parents, but also for the children.

            If there are immediate issues that need to be addressed, this process can be adapted to get results in a fairly quick time frame.  Once a petition for modification of the parenting plan is filed and served, the court will be open to entering a temporary order to fill the gap until the final parenting plan is entered with the court.

            If you are considering this process, it usually costs nothing to see a family law attorney and discuss your individual case.  At a minimum, you will leave that appointment with a lot more information than you started with.  Putting off getting your parenting plan “right” can make future legal action more difficult, and can deprive you the time you deserve with your kids.

A Story About A Separation

               It doesn’t happen often, but from time to time I meet with people who have been separated from their spouse for months or even years.  There are a lot of reasons why this happens, but often it is just easier to ignore the other person, and just go about your life without him or her.

               What many people don’t know is that just because you may not have even talked to your spouse in all that time, that doesn’t mean that the law will treat that time apart as any different than if you had been living together.  A trial court will look at the subjective opinions of the parties when determining when the “cut off” date for the marriage should be set.  Because this is a subjective test, if it benefits one party to include all that time they were informally separated into the marriage, it may very well happen that way.

               I represented a party to a divorce many years ago.  The parties had been separated for over ten years, and hadn’t even talked in all that time.  One party lived in Washington, and the other party moved to the mid-west.  During that period of separation things went well for one party – his business grew, he purchased property, and he had money in the bank.  Things did not go so well for the other party – she had trouble holding down a job, and she ended up with no real assets.

               When the case came to trial, the wife testified that despite having had no contact with her husband in those many years, she had always believed that they would get back together again and that the marriage would be better than ever.  The court decided, based on that subjective “belief”, that all those years of separation were to be included into the marriage.  The wife got a large share of everything that was earned by the husband during their separation.

               Even relatively short separation periods can be a problem for some people.  The actions of one party may very well create a financial burden for both parties.  A simple way to draw that line in the sand is to file for a dissolution or legal separation.  That date of filing will be used by the court to determine the actual separation date, and greatly limit claims by either party for assets or responsibility for debts incurred after that date.  Ignoring the issue is seldom a good way to achieve a positive final result.  Informal separations are not in your best interest, and can cause significant financial issues that might have been otherwise avoided.